By Christine O’Neill Susany
I have always considered March to be the most schizophrenic month of the year. Searching daily for her true identity, March straddles her thirty-one days with one foot firmly entrenched in wintry snow and ice, and the other exercising the might of the vernal equinox by stretching … stretching … s t r e t c h i n g… towards Spring’s thawing embrace.
No doubt, March represents a symbolic tug of war between seasonal forces (winter and spring), allegorical foes (the lion and the lamb), and political enemies (Beware the Ides of March, “et tu, Brute.”) Add to that, March 2011 is a month of Lenten penitence and personal reflection, and as the weather warms March no doubt will turn into a month of choking desert windstorms giving us ample reasons to sweep the dust from our window sills and souls. So, is there anything light and lively about March? Yes! If you happen to be just a little bit Irish, there’s St. Patrick’s Day.
God bless St. Patrick, the converted swineherd, who spent his life teaching the wild and wooly Gaelic clans’ lessons about the Holy Trinity by using the indigenous, symbolic three-leafed shamrock. There have been a plethora of stories, fables, legends, and myths passed down through the ages about St. Patrick and his miracles, and each generation has embellished a bit here and there. Hence, the Irish have become well known, not only for their fighting spirit (GO CATHEDRAL and NOTRE DAME!) but also for their storytelling abilities, quick wit, and good humor (both naughty and nice.)
Although sports fans will equate MARCH MADNESS with shoot-outs on the basketball courts of America, I prefer to honor St. Patrick’s legacy with a few plays on words. With just a bit of Irish luck, perchance a few of these little mind twisters will make you chuckle, or smile, or who knows one or two might actually make you laugh out loud. Hopefully all will tempt you to turn a fun statement into a funnier story or essay.
GATHER SOME FRIENDS, POUR A PINT OR TWO, AND ENJOY SOME MARCH MADNESS!
Love Story: She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
Scientific Truth: Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Poetic Wisdom: A backward poet prefers to write inverse.
Sports Headline: I wondered why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
War Story Headline: The soldiers, who survived mustard gas and pepper spray, were honored as seasoned veterans.
Good Advice Leftover from the 60’s: Don’t join dangerous cults – practice safe